I grew up surrounded by military personnel. A structured, rigid environment. Nothing suggested that I would choose the circus – that art of risk – as my life’s path. Yet, ever since childhood, I’ve clung to it. At first, by drifting from discipline to discipline, exploring without committing. I practised aerial silks for a long time. I already loved heights.
But the constant comments about my lack of flexibility eventually got to me. So I gave up the aerial silks, but not the circus. There were three years of home schooling, followed by an attempt to return to secondary school, joining the gymnastics sports stream with the aim of moving towards more acrobatic circus disciplines. It was a failure. So I joined a drama class with a flexible timetable. For three years, I learnt to use the space and my voice.
Then came the circus college in Châtellerault. The desire to fly got the better of my fear of the ground, and I began specialising in supported swings in 2019. It was a paradoxical choice, as the swing terrifies me. It means putting your mind aside and trusting your instincts. It also requires accepting the momentum into the void. I’m afraid of losing control. Afraid of being thrown off. Afraid of getting hurt.
Beyond the technical aspects, from the moment I joined ENACR in September 2021, it was the group dynamic that unsettled me the most. The inner workings of a group seemed obscure to me. How could I trust others as much as I trusted myself? How could I understand others when the unspoken rules seemed so implicit? How could I remain an individual within a group?
I persevered despite everything. And then, the joy began to outweigh the fear. I found ways to understand the implicit human dynamics at play. I realised that making progress didn’t just mean learning a discipline. It also meant getting to know myself. Observing my reactions, accepting my limitations, and making a conscious effort to understand the human dynamics around me.
In September 2025, thanks to the support of the Neuro Divers community, I gradually began to understand that sense of disconnect I’d been carrying around for so long. My place within our collective, which is still taking shape, has become more defined. I have focused entirely on my practice and have made the smooth transitions onto and off the dance floor a key area of work that I intend to explore further. At the same time, within the company, we plan to continue our research into ‘tangos’ and ‘trangos’, creating variations in height and changes in rhythm in order to broaden our collective vocabulary.